Secret Song

Sunday, 17 May 2015

The Tale of Sand (Part I)

I wish to enjoy the night view outside through the window
I leave the black diary on the bed
I run to the window
Quickly i open the lock of my window
Once i open it
I sit near window, and i put my both cheek with my both hands
Smiling to the shining stars on the dark sky

"So you rather enjoy the night sky than come to my arms?"

Suddenly i turn back, when i listen the voice of a man.
Yes, i do know well the owner of that voice.
Its him, Pharaoh.

"What you doing here, in my world, in my century?!" I ask him, roughly.

The Pharaoh just grin.
After then, he just close his eyes close.
I know what he try to do.
Once he close the eyes
He probably can travel the time and spaces.
Without moving his body.

Just in few seconds.
The scenery changes around me, around us.
Now both of us are on the desert.
But we still standing under the night, grey sky.
And his action totally turn me mad.

"Now what?!" I say that to him.
Without any word, he hug me tight.

"Hey!"
I try to run from his hug, but i cant.
He just so strong.

"Let me go, Pharaoh!" I still try to escape.
"Not this time, until you say out my name like the old times!"

Geez!
This arrogant silly guy make me sick with his actions!

"Let me go, Ranofer!"

I feel his hug kinda loose, so i step back away.

"What now?" I ask him, again.

"Seems that you decide to throw me away, didnt you?" Say Pharaoh.

"It is you, not me Pharaoh!"

The man with long hair and handsome face turn into silence.
His eagle eye start to look gloomy.

"If you near with me again, i gonna kill you without any hesitation, Ranofer!"

"I hope at least you will listen..."

"Touch me or you so die!"

He silent again.

"Go away from my eye sight. Do not come to me again. I dont need your love either."

Thinking that he will never take me back to my century, so i gonna take a step, go away.
Without turning back, i just walking, going anywhere as long i not see him.

Once again, the scenery of around me change again.
My room. Yes, my room.
I sighed.

"That man..."


To be continue...




























Monday, 4 May 2015

Nonsense Dream


When i was walking
Im holding my black diary
I remember
It was a beautiful night
The moon shines brightly
After the rain stop falling
But then
All of sudden
I fall down

I fall on the land
But yet
I still lay on
My face embrace the land
With the tears
Flowing as a river

Yes
The beauty of the night
Make me fall into dreaming
Dreaming something that i cant achieve
Its so high
For me
And while i still lay on the land
Im thinking
Why i still able to dreaming?
While i even not worth for it
Even put a big hope

Meanwhile
Its just a nonsense dream
When i want to stand up again
I find out that my knee was bleeding
Both of it

I hold my red gown
With the strength left
Im standing
Walking
Run away from this nonsense dream











Saturday, 21 March 2015

Rain Never Leave Me


12.55 AM
A cold night, as usual...

Holding my black diary
And i keep walking
Walking on the greenish field
Wearing the long black dress
This time
I do not write anything on the diary i hold
As the usual i do

I stop
When the rain start fall down
From the gloomy sky
I let the rain splash on my face
And i close my eyes
Afterwhile
I let my body fall quitely on the grass

I lay down
Seeing the rain which in my eyes of view
It look like a shining diamond
Can i say that rain is a human great best friend ever?
Or maybe its the only best friend of mine?
When i come to meet the rain
They vanish away the feeling, the pain
Disappear
Gone all away

I let the rain fall on my small hand
As it remove the scar on my hand
Flowing slowly

Yeah
Rain never leave me
It makes me feel that rain hugging me tightly
The cold of rain
But i feel it so warm

And yet
The gate of secret garden
Still not open yet
But that's okay
Everything just fade away
Ahh..
My black diary wet

















Wednesday, 16 January 2013

The Last Biscuit

31 December 2012,4:15 pm

In the beautiful evening
I was talking with my brother
And we eat together
Suddenly,he come to the house by his dad motorcycle and he directly go to my mum room
I was just looking to him

"Grandma,can you give me some money?"
My mum asking
"Money?What you want to buy?"
Then he replied
"I want to buy something.I want go to the shop."

Quickly my mum give him RM20 for him.
He take it slowly.
Then he go out from that room and sit with us.
I was eating biscuit with my brother after i have some lunch that i skipped.
He take the jar of biscuit from my hand while i still eating

"Hey!I still not done wit it yet little boy!"
He just laughing and smiling while he take the jar of biscuit from my hand
I give up so i let him take that biscuit
We eating together and laughing together while im listening to my brother story
I dont know why but in that moment
I just cant help myself staring on his face
His face look innocent while he eating the biscuit
Its make me remember his childhood past
He was so cute
I dont know why his childhood look suddenly appear in front of my eyes
Then after he done with his biscuit
He stand up and holding my shoulder before he leave

Im still sit on the chair and remind back my childhood time with him
When he was a kid he always ask me to carry him on my back
So i do it and carry him on my back
When he grow up become a tough teenage guy
He used to carry me on his back
When he was a kid too he like to throw my slipper on the roof of my house
If he crying and angry to me
Seriously
Sometimes he kinda annoying too
Im the one who have to be patience with him
But i still love him so much
I will worry if anything happend to him
Although sometimes he used to playing around of me

6:30 PM

My first sister,Sis Pidah come to my house
Me,my brother,Bro Awang,Sis Pidah and my second sister Bibi stay together at the dining table
Bro Awang told to Sis Pidah about his funny dream but kinda sad too
And in that moment
We joking and laughing a lot
After that Sis Pidah return to her home


6:55 PM

Bibi's mobile phone ringing all of sudden
She answer it

"Bibi..my son...he got...accident..please come here....''

Quickly we going to the place that my nephew got the accident
When we reach there
We saw his death body
Its broken my heart in that time
The police,few of people and few of car is around that place
The police measure his death body
My sister shouting

"Please...please...bring him to hospital...please..."
She shouting and crying
Bibi to want holding his face
And say
"Along..Along...wake up Along..."
Sis Pidah shouting again with her cry
"Dont touch his face...Bibi..."
Bibi stopped
Then suddenly,my brother in law,Bro Raman carry him quickly
Its make me touched
Since few years ago he become weak and sick
He also cant carry 10kg stuff
But this time he carry his son's body
They never wait the ambulance come
He lend my nephew body to my brother
My brother holding him
And brother in law drive the car quickly to hospital
My brother holding him and shouting
"Allahuakhbar!Allahuakhbar!!"
Then with tears he holding Along's bleeding body
"Along..Along..wake up..please..."


7:30 PM

The doctor and nurse try to save him in emergency ward
Sis Pidah really feel uneasy in that time
Suddenly
She go to the hospital nearby mosque
She take the wudhu and pray

"Oh Allah Almighty,if his promises to You have to be granted now,if You want to take my son now,so in the willing i will take this as the test from You and i redha for everything.I make the milk from my body which i feel him when he was born halal for him,and forgive all his sins,Oh Allah The Almighty.."

............................................................................

"We are very sorry.We cant save him.He already passed away and meet the God."
Sis Pidah start crying.
Everyone start to crying.
Some of villagers also cant accept the fact too
That Along have leave everyone
My brother and brother in law just standing with blank face
The sound of crying also can be hear by the moon
The fullmoon also crying for Along's death


9:00 PM

Everyone and the relatives busy to helping in my house
Some of them try to make my mum feel calm
My mum cry badly

"Along..Along...your grandpa already leave me...now why u leave me Along..."
Im just standing seeing my mum cry and its make my tears flowing
This is very shocking for me
Everyone cant accept the fact that he already leave us
And yet we waiting his body send to my house


12:00 AM

The gloomy air is playing around in my house
The gloomy,the sadness,the sound of Yassin reading
Everyone who come to my house read Yassin for him
As a pray to Allah Almighty to let him rest in peace with blessing
Im also reading Yassin for him
With tears which never stop
It make me feel touched when all my relatives sleep in my house
And i see his dad sleep beside his body
And his twin sisters also sleep near him
And my cousin who really close to him


6:30 AM

Its a New Year morning
But for me its a gloomy morning
The sad New Year ever
I was done with the dawn time pray
So i look after my nephew death body and my brother in law
I saw my brother in law holding and rub his hand
Then i see his tears flowing
He remember back Along promises to him

"Babah...i want to study hard for the SPM exam..."
"I want to enter the polytehnic college..."
"I want to become police,so i can take care of you and our family..."

My brother in law leave that room with tears
My tears also fall without stop
So i open the blanket which cover his body
Im holding and rub his injured forehead slowly

"Along..i forgive every mistakes you do to me...and i want you to know that i love you so much...although how u leave me put the pain inside me..."

Slowly i kiss his forehead full with love and warm
I used to kiss his forehead when he still a kid
And that my last kiss to him
And yet he is ready to been buried
I just standing



My pray always for you and may your soul rest in peace Along..
Oh Allah Almighty please let him know that i love him so much..
My beloved nephew Along...
I never forget when how you have cherish our life when you are born
Its hurt me that biscuit is the last food you eat before you go..
Really..its pain me...
Al Fatihah for you Along...































Monday, 31 October 2011

Why Is My Reflection Someone I Dont Know??

Tonight was rainy and wind blowing strong..
But its still a beautiful night for me...
While im listening to my MP3..
When i press the ''NEXT'' button..
Suddenly,my favourite song ''Reflection'' is played...
Sometimes...
I dont ever know...
Who actually is me...
Then.....
I take this ''black diary''
And start to writing....
I write the lyric on my diary

................................................................................................................................

Look at me
I will never pass for a perfect bride, or a perfect daughter
Can it be im not ment to play this part
Now i see that if i were truely to be myself
I would break my familys heart

Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me..
Why is my reflection someone i dont know
Some how i can not hide
Who i am, though i've tried
When will my reflection show who i am inside
When will my reflection show who i am inside 



................................................................................................................................


The feeling who never knew our real self...
Its really suffer..
But i know that if i truly be myself..
I will hurt everyone's heart...
I cant hide who i am..
Sometimes i think that i dont have to be real myself...
Because i dont want to hurt anyone more...
I dont know..
What should i said or write now..
Everything make me cant thinking well..
Only thinking who am i...
Should i return to my old self..
Or be the other person to make other people happy??
The only thing i know...
I have kill my old self..
Because im afraid to the past which always haunted me...
When my reflection show..
Who i am inside..??



















Wednesday, 26 October 2011

Run To The Secret Garden...

11:05 pm
In this windy night..
I saw the time on my laptop screen..
Tonight is really cold..
Usually cold will make my heart feel so calm...
But tonight it never help me to vanish away my feeling..
My tears cant ever fall down..
I just saw the black diary on my bed...
But i never feel want to write it...
So i just sit alone..
Watching the stars that never come up..
But i hope that i want to lay on the snow field...
Its hurting me a lot...
But its ok..
I try to pretend nothing happend..
I know this day will come..
I try to smile..
But in the end its make my heart bcome more bleeding...
Its ok..
I will continue run to the secret garden that i try to reach..
After everything is done..
I will run to the secret garden..
When i reach to that place..
I want to sleep forever..
Without everyone try to reach it...
Sleep with a pain that cant i cant vanish away...
I still believe that if i look the right way...
I will find out that the whole world is a garden...

Tuesday, 13 September 2011

Wow!!Father,You Are Great Singer!!!

In this evening..
I was watching tv alone..
Ohh gosshh im so bored..
No interesting movie that i can watch..
Suddenly when im open AXN channel..
I saw a movie with the background song dat i love n miss so much...
The song title ''You My Everything'' by Santa Esmeralda...
Then..
My memory appear again...

....................................................................................................

When im 10 years old..
Im watching cartoon in tv..
Then suddenly father come and sit besides me...
I know after the cartoon he want to watch news..
''Adek,after u watching cartoon give the remote control to me ok..i want to watch news..''
''Yes i know father,the cartoon is almost done..''
After the cartoon done,i give the remote control to him..
But im still sit besides him bcoz im lazy 2 go anywhere...
Suddenly...
The video clip song was played on tv before the news start..
Yes..that song..''You My Everything.''
Firstly im not too interested listening that song...but suddenly im surprised..
Father singing in front of tv with that song played on tv!
''U my everything....''
''The sun dat shines above u..makes the blue bird sing..''
''The stars dat twinkle way up..in the sky..''
''Tell me im...in love...''
Only dat he sing..
Then he said...
''Ahaha only dat i remember...''
''Woww i guess u cant sing better..''
Father said
''Only u dont know...''
Then he laughing....
.................................................................................................................................
Father...
U really like 2 laugh even ur heart feel sad sumtimes..
U my everything in my life father...

You're My Everything


Na na na na ...
You're my everything
The sun that shines above you makes the blue bird sing
The stars that twinkle way up in the sky

Tell me I'm in love, when I kiss your lips
I feel the rolling thunder to my finger tips
And all the while my head in a spin
Deep with in I'm in love

You're my everything and nothing
Really matters but the love you bring
You're my everything
To see you in the morning with those big brown eyes
You're my everything
Forever and the day
I need you close to me
You're my everything
You never have to worry never fear
For I am near

You're my everything
I live upon the land and see the sky above

I'll swim within oceans sweet and warm
There's no storm my love

You're my everything and nothing
Really matters but the love you bring
You're my everything
To see you in the morning with those big brown eyes
You're my everything
Forever and the day
I need you close to me
You're my everything
You never have to worry never fear
For I am near

when I hold you tight
there's nothing that can harm you in the lonely night
I'll come to you and keep you safe and warm
Yes, so strong my love

when I kiss your lips
I feel the rolling thunder to my finger tips
And all the while my head in
a spin
Deep with in I'm in love