Pushing Me Away...

I come online..
Its already a few day..
That person didnt come talk with me..
Everyday when i open my laptop...
I hope that i can talk with that person...
I know that person is really busy...
But for me its nothing wrong if just leave a message and said hi only...
Am i to sensitive or im not an understanding person?
I dont know...
But everything is become different now..
I can feel that...
So i take my pen...
And start to write on my black diary...
How i feel....
Now...


......................................................................................................


Pushing Me Away..


I've lied to you
The same way that I always do
This is the last smile
That I'll fake for the sake of being with you

Pre chorus:
(Everything falls apart, even the people who never frown eventually break down)
The sacrifice of hiding in a lie
(Everything has to end, you'll soon find we're out of time left to watch it all unwind)
The sacrifice is never knowing

Why I never walked away
Why I played myself this way
Now I see your testing me pushes me away

I've tried like you
To do everything you wanted too
This is the last time
I'll take the blame for the sake of being with you

We’re all out of time, this is how we find how it all unwinds
The sacrifice of hiding in a lie
We’re all out of time, this is how we find how it all unwinds
The sacrifice is never knowing


Pushes me away…



..........................................................................................................


I dont have much time left now..
I want to appriciate and spend all my time before im going
to decide about the most important decision that i should do..
Im afraid that everything its to late..
If u feel that u dont need me anymore...
Just tell me,pushes me away...
And i will go from your life...
And i try to heal myself after that..
I swear i dont have much time left now...
Before i go away to do what should i decide which is important
in my life....
Its ok...
Juts pushes me away...
If you feel that i dont needed anymore...

A Piece Of My Childhood Past...

Im so tired to faced my Pengajian Am 2 book...
I decide to come online..
And then i saw the picture of my friend..
Include my five childhood friend and also like my own sibling too..
I take my black diary..
I open it..
And start to writing...

............................................................................................................................
When clock show 3 pm...
I will be ready to going ''neighbour'' house..but before that i will bring my cousin,Cila first from her house..
And then when both of us going to that ''neighbour'' house..
Awang,Nurul,Izzat and Dibah...these siblings will sit at their living room at there house..
They always watching movie or cartoon in that time...
And their parents still not back home yet..
After that..
Hadey will come...
Then..
We will going down to the under their house and start to playing..
I dont remember to much..
What ever we have play..
But many game that we have try and play..
Ecspecialy ''Hantu Garisan''
Sometimes we will spend our evening playing badminton..
Sometimes we will enjoy talking and joking..
And sometimes we will sit on the mango tree..
When the villager doing marriage ceremony at their house..
We will do work and sit together..
Enjoy our chit chat..
When the time i feel happy and sad..
They always with me..
I thank to Allah to give me a best childhood friend..
And they a people who really understanding all about me..
Lucky to have them..

Awang...
This is our eldest brother..
I cant deny sometimes he also like our big brother..
Sometimes he make us,ecspecialy her young sister angry..
But he always have many idea..
And also our 'mind master' too..
He always protect us from anything..
And also a good advisor too...
Even sometimes he use a cruel word but we know everything he said is true..
As the eldest...
He will make sure we will get the best....^^

                                                                                            

Cila...

The sweet girl...

The most close cousin to me..

We have same eye brow...(Lol...)

Sensitive but understanding girl..

She also funny and also our mind always ''connected'' in any topic we talk..

Also like our big sister to us even she always bullied by us...~~peace~~

She know what always in my mind and know whenever im angry,sad or happy..

And i cant lie to her about everything...

(I wonder if she have sixth sense..:p)

Nurul...

My gorgeous childhood friend...

She more like my little sister than an elder sister...

She really nice..like all my other childhood friend too..

Sumtimes she look like a kid...

But she also an understanding friend like Cila too..

Intelligent but also have negative thinking(but it will become neutral again...:P)

Good in cooking,doing housework..

And mature too..

But be careful she have ''killer eye''....=.=''

Izzat...

He is a Awang and Nurul little brother...

Also like our own little brother too...

He become silent in school..

But he also funny when he in his house,ecspecialy when he with us..

He really good with high technology gadget..

Until he can make an old radio can be on again...

Huhuhuhuhu...brilliant man..^^

He always respect the eldest..

Even sometimes he make his sister angry..

But like his eldest brother..he take care of us..

Hadey...

A guy with Chinese look...

Also Izzat's bestfriend...

He little bit funny too and like to laugh..

He always make me angry until sometimes i feel want to hit his head...

But no matter what ever i do on him...

He still respect to me and the others...

He is good in his academic..

And also nice and caring to the others...

He is the person that i always hit his back...

And the last...

Dibah...

Our younger little princess..

She like to cry...

But when she around me...

I will feel how to having a younger sister...

And also respect to all of us..

She like to play games and hug anyone who sleep near her...include me...:p

Im glad that i having a childhood friend like all of you..

Im also grateful with that...

Now we have our own path to follow..

But i hope our friendship will lasting forever..

And our relationship as a sibling will never end...

Te queiro...

I Will,Father...

 Im sit on the chair n see everything around me in my room..

Suddenly i feel want 2 check my old box..n without wasting time i open dat old box..

First thing i found is my examination result when im 14 years old..

I remember the moment when im 14 years old,all parents's student in my high school hav 2 take our examination result..

In dat time my father meet my teacher,Madam Mariam..

After they discuss about my exam result n my behavior in class,we still dont go home..

Im suprised when my father bring me 2 KFC restaurant,he know i dont get my breakfast since morning..

Suddenly he said 2 me..

''How u feel now,Adek?''

Im feeling weird with his question...

''I dont feel nothing father.Why also?''

''Naaaa just asking..''

''Father i know u want 2 said dat my mathematics mark is worst,am i rite father?''

He just smile....

''Adek,if i said i dissapointed wit u,since u in primary school u always fail in mathematics so i cant blame u.But im really want u 2 get a good mark in this subject bcoz if u fail 1 subject in PMR exam later u will fail.''

''I know father,im sorry 4 dat''

''Adek,i dont dissapointed wit u.Although u not good in mathematics but i know u really good in other things.U can write a long essay,write a story,u hav many idea,u can drawing n i know u really good 2 solve other people problem.U r crazy if i said dat u r useless daughter.U like 2 talk to much so i guess u hav potential 2 bcome a lawyer.I dont judge u from ur academic only but i know u r girl full wit talent.When u go the staff room 2 find ur friend,while im still discuss with ur teacher,Madam Mariam said dat u hav big imagination n she said she dont want me 2 stop ur imagination.Im proud everything u do.But academic is still very important so try 2 improve ur mathematics subject,do u get wat i mean,Adek?''

''Yes father,i will...''

Im glad dat father dont angry 2 me in dat time..n we continue 2 finish our meal...

Father said again...

''I promise 2 u each time u done with ur big examination,i will bring u 2 eat in restaurant.When u finish ur UPSR exam i hav bring u 2 KFC restaurant,next time i will bring u 2 Pizza Hut ok?N if u can pass in ur mathematics subject,i will giv u sumthing as a present.''

He smile in dat time,n i said ''I will father..''

....................................................................................................................

Father u make me miss u so much when i see this exam result..

N until i finish my SPM exam,i pass in dat subject do u know dat,father??

I just can give a gloomy smile...

When i remember this...

Shall You Dance With Me?

This is a story of 1 girl..

When this girl feel so sad,she will going to the top of the hill...

................................................................................

''I dont care!From this moment,u not my girlfriend anymore!''

Without she realized,her tears fall down from her beautiful eyes...

The man she most love in this world hurt her feeling..

Without wasting time,

She run to the top of the hill..

She cry n cry...

''Why u did this to me?Idiot!Do u know how much i love u?But why u play with my feeling?Why?''

Suddenly..

A handsome man suddenly appear in front of her..

She shocked when she see dat man..

''Oh dear,plz dont be afraid 2 me,i hear sum1 crying here so i go check it out.''

She still stare 2 dat man..

''Dont worry im not bad man also,hahahaha...''

Then she wrap her tears..

''Im sorry if im crying until im disturbing u..''

Dat handsome man just smiling..

He sit besides dat girl n see on the night sky..

The night sky full with stars n moonlight..

''If u dont mind can u tell me wat make u cry at here?Sum1 hurt u?''

Then dat girl answer..

''Yes,my boyfriend lie 2 me n play wit my feelings.Then he broke up with me..''

''Oh my god,dat man is really cruel.How dare he hurt a beautiful girl like u?''

''Naaa im not beautiful,but if he dont like me then he should not play wit my feeling..''

Dat man just silent...

Suddenly he stand up...

''My beautiful lady,shall u dance wit me?''

Said dat man while he give his hand 2 dat girl..

''Huh??Dance?''

''Yup,u really look so sad now,so i guess nothing wrong if i try 2 cheer u up,at least i can do sumthing 4 u..''

After a few minutes she silent,she give her hand n they start dancing..

They dancing in the beautiful night..

Moon n stars bcome witness..

Eve dat girl didnt know she dancing wit who now..

But deep in her heart she feel so calm n happy..

After an hour they dancing,they stand up near the tree..

''Oh gosshh i feel more better now,thanks a lot to u..''

''Its my pleasure,i hope u ok now..''

''Im ok now,tomorrow i will solve everything n start my day wit a smile..''

Dat man just silent again,then she stare 2 dat pity girl..

''Hey you..''

''Yup??Wats wrong?''

Suddenly dat man kiss her forehead..

So slowly...

N dat girl suprised...

''Wat..wat u do??''

''We never meet before,but i promise dat i will do anything 2 return ur smile..''

''Wat do u mean?''

''U smiling now but its fake,but u dont realized dat u really hav a sweet n gorgeous smile..n i will never let dat smile gone from ur sweet face..''

Dat girl blushing..

N suddenly her heart beat so fast..

''Its really late now,u shud go home.Ur parents will worry 2 u..''

Dat girl still smiling even she blushing now..

''I will.Tnx a lot.Can i meet u again n dance wit u?''

Dat man just smile..

''Im sure after this u will not dance wit me again..''

''Huh??''

''Naaa..nothing.Go home now.Ok?''

Dat girl quickly go from there..

But in heart she know dat she will meet dat guy again..

N yeah..

She forget 2 ask his name!

''Nevermind,i will meet him again,for surely if i come here..''

................................................................................................................................................

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Dat girl busy helping her mother make a breafast for her family..

While her little brother watch tv..

Then,her father come  living room n take the remote control on the table..

''Ohh gosshh father i want watch dat movie!''said the little brother..

''I want watch the news.Movie is not important..''

Father open the news n he shocked when watch the news..

''There is 1 high school man name Matt Edward was killed n his body founded near the small apartmen with 1 victim,a young high school girl.Police believe dat they doing sex while they was killed by murderer.If other people have any information about the victims and the murderer please call to the nearby police station..''

''Oh gossh!Dats terrible!Nowday teenager really lack with moral value!''The father said.

But dat girl..

She know the victims who was killed by dat murderer

Dat victim is a guy who have bcome her boyfriend before n the guy who hav hurt her feeling..

She cant believe 2 this..

Yesterday he broke up with dat guy..

N today he founded dead in embrassing way with other girl..

Suddenly she remember sumthing..

...............................................................................

''We never meet before,but i promise dat i will do anything 2 return ur smile..''

Oh God!It could be the man who she meet last night will kill Matt??

No wonder why he said at he will never meet me again??

Said dat girl in her heart..

She believe dat man who killed her ex-boyfriend..

She make decision 2 go to the top of the hill...

She waiting in 2 hours but she dont meet dat handsome man anymore..

Suddenly when she want 2 go home..

She found a hand-writing on the tree n she read it

''I will do anything just 2 see ur smile again.Look,u so sweet when u smile..smile 2 me please?''

Dat girl crying in front if dat tree..

''U kill Matt just bcoz want 2 see my smile.Now i will smile 4 u,just 4 u..forever..''

                                                    

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I Like Your Sandwich...

While im writing my diary...
Suddenly my cousin come to my room..
''Adek,mum make a sandwich for us.This is your favourite sandwich.Want some?''
I take the sandwich slowly from the plate..
Suddenly...
An idea come to my mind...
I open the new page of my black diary..
And start to write a story about Alberto and Farah...
My imagination start to fly again...
And again....
And the story from Madam Red's imagination is begin.....

After take her dinner,Farah rush to her room,open her laptop n she go open her MSN messenger..

''Alberto  D'eon is online''

She smile when see dat name is online..so they start 2 chat..

cuteprincess92:hey alberto^^

Alberto D'eon:hi,wats up??

cuteprincess92:how ur day??:D

Alberto D'eon:cool,n how about u,dear?is everything ok at there?

cuteprincess92:yup everything is fine here,u alredy finish working?

Alberto D'eon:Yes,my business is going well now.Just there is 1 of my client really make me damn headche..

cuterprincess92:really?wat he do 2 u?

Alberto D'eon:naaa just a small fight but still can handle it,now im so tired..

cuteprincess92:so u shud get some rest now..

Alberto D'eon:no way i want 2 stay wit u my cute friend:D:D

Farah smiling.Ohh goshh Alberto u so sweet...

cuteprincess92:stop it alberto u make me blushed aww:''>

Alberto D'eon:hahaha,i hope i can see it

cuterpincess92:u tired now rite so u shud rest,i hav tell u early u shud find wife so sum1 will take care of u..:p

Alberto just silent....

Then..

He typing again...

Alberto D'eon:U wanna know sumthing dear?

cuteprincess92:wats dat?

Alberto D'eon:b4 i know u,many pretty women around me,but all of them just want enjoy wit me no more than dat..

                       so firstly i think all girl r cheezy until i meet u,u really different from them n i guess u my first girl bcome

                       my bestfriend.N u r good muslim 2 i like when u wear scarf on ur head i mean u wear clothes properly

                       not like other bitch i know..

cuteprincess92:u so sweet alberto tnx a lot,u so nice:''>

Alberto D'eon:If i go 2 malaysia meet u n visit u,will u?

cuteprincess92:wat??

Alberto D'eon:Dont worry,just 1 day,if u dont want meet me alone,so let me go 2 ur house,i want 2 meet ur family

She thinking 4 a while..then she typing again..

cuteprincess92:ok u can,but my brother will take u from airport ok?

Alberto D'eon:Really?U serious?Tnx dear:-*

cuteprincess: ^^

..........................................................................................................................

When Alberto arrived in KLIA,Farah's brother take him after Farah tell everything about her friend from Spain.

In the first time in his life,he feel a situation of having a family when he stay in Farah's house in village..

Farah's family treat him very nicely n he really comfortable with dat..

4 the first time in his life he hav wearing 'kain pelikat'  n baju melayu in night like other Malay man wear..

...........................................................................................................

Alberto sit in front of the house..

Suddenly Farah come 2 him n bring him a cup of hot coffee n sandwich..

''Hey Alberto..''

''Oh,Farah.What u bring on dat?''

''I bring some coffee n sandwich 4 u..i guess when u sit here u want 2 bite sumthing rite??''

Without he realized,his heart feel calm when he see Farah pour coffee 2 his cup nicely..

He didnt know wat dat feeling..

In 3 years they chating,this is first time they meet n he stay in Farah house..

He feel glad dat he meet a nice girl like Farah,not like other chic he meet in his country,Spain..

His hand take one slice of sandiwich on the plate..

N he eat it..

''Wow this is very delicious Farah..''

''Hahaha,its just a sandwich,all people can do it..''

''No im serious Farah this is the msot delicious sandwich i ever eat,n u know why?Bcoz my cutest friend make it 4 me..

Man who hav u is really lucky.U will be a good wife in future..''

All dat word honestly come from his heart..

''Tnx a lot im glad 2 hear dat from u,my friend.Im still hav 2 finish study first then i will think about marriage when i got

a good job.N u hav 2 find a good women 4 urself 2 ok??''

''Yes i will,Farah.U r my bestfriend.N tnx a lot again im really happy enjoy at here.''

''U can come here anytime,Alberto.My little sister,Idah seem like 2 talk wit u 2.''

''Im afraid dat after this i cant come here back.But we still can chat in MSN dont worry n i still can call u.''

''Why u said like dat?U hav reason u cant come back here?''

A big sigh come from his mouth..

''Yes,many reason i cant come here back n i cant stay a long time here..''

''Oh yeah u rite.U r businessman,so u must be busy wit ur work..''

''U rite..''

Suddenly,his phone ringing n he answer it in front of Farah..

''Hola(helo?)''

''Maestro Alberto, tenemos un problema aquí!!(Master Alberto,we have problem here!)''

''Cuál es el problema?(Whats the problem?)''

''Maestro, nuestro cliente, Fernández tratará de matar y que han enviado personal a su asesino a matar porque usted pensó en su casa now.They matar a Jack y Edward.I Supongo que esto debe ser sobre la droga y el pistolero que comprar con nosotros.(Master,our client, Fernandez try to kill u and he send his personal murderer 2 kill u because he thought dat u in ur house now.They kill Jack n Edward 2.I guess maybe this is because the drug n gunslinger he bought from us.)''

''Voy a regresar a España mañana, puede que se encargue de mí hasta que yo vuelva allí?(I will come back to Spain 2morrow,can u handle it 4 me until i come back?)''

''Por supuesto, amo y lo siento molestar a sus vacaciones(Of corse n im sorry disturbing ur vacation)''

Tut!

Alberto close his phone.

''Sumthing wrong Alberto?''said Farah,worry.

''No nothing,dont worry.My assistant calling me.U know so hard 4 me 2 leave this village.But tomorrow i hav 2 go back 2 Spain.So b4 i go,can u accompany me here.I want 2 stay wit u 4 a long time.''

''Sure,why not?I will be miss u when u go back 2 Spain.''

In Alberto's heart said

''I miss u more,Farah.''

They spend all night talking in front of Farah house.

...........................................................................................................................

Farah n her brother,Hamzah send him 2 KLIA.

B4 Alberto go,suddenly Farah give him a white paper bag.

He feel weird n take dat paper bag from Farah's hand.

''What is this?''

''Sandwich 4 u,Alberto.I make this in early morning.U hav tell me b4 dat food in ur flight is not enough rite?If u still feel hungry,u can eat this sandwich.I make a lot 4 u.When u arrived there,get enough rest ok.U always work hard.If u continue do dat,u will fall sick again,''said Farah 2 remind her bestfriend.

Alberto just smiling.

''Thank u so much,my dearest friend.I really enjoy my time here with ur family.Oh by the way if u hav problem just call me ok?''

''I will.Hav a safe flight,Alberto.Take care urself.Good bye''

Alberto smiling n then he waving 2 Farah n her brother.

.....................................................................................................................................

When Alberto arrived in airport,his 2 bodyguard,his driver waiting n take him2 his BMW car.

In his way 2 home,his hand is still holding the tupperware full wit sandwich.

He smiling see on dat tupperware.

Suddenly,his car explode n bcoz of dat explode,his body burned scorched..

Now he know,this is a conspiracy 2 kill him.N he know this is must be planed by his assistant,Joe.

He alredy suspect about Joe b4 but this time he is so careless.

A drug n gunlisnger seller like him always die in worst way..he know dat..

Farah didnt ever know his real job n his real identity..

Alberto lay down on the road near his burned car..

He dont ever think about himself or his pain..

But Farah's face in his mind..

His hand holding the tupperware..

He said 2 himself..

''Farah,in these 3 year i alredy fall in love wit u.But if u be together wit me,u will always get danger n i dont want dat.If i know i will die today,i will tell my feeling 2 u b4 i go.Ahh bullshit im really regret now..Farah,i love u baby.I like ur sandwich..''

Slowly he close his eyes,n he die on the road wit the tupperware in his hand..

Many people come there 2 look him n sum of them try 2 help him..

Pranngg..!!!

1 glass fall down n broken on the floor while Farah wash the plate near the sink..

She shocked n then she want 2 clean up it..

But when she hold the fragments of the glass,her finger bleeding n suddenly she feel sumthing wrong..

''Alberto?''

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