Dear Rain,Please Vanish Away My Feeling...

My daily routine is staring at the night sky..
But i dont know why..
I hope that rain will fall down today..
I just staring at my black diary...
With a gloomy eyes...

Dear diary,
All type of feeling is mix in my heart now..
I dont know what actually i feel..
But something that hurt my feeling..
Slowly it torn my heart..
This hurt feeling come again after once it killing me from inside..
I realized that no one in this world will need me instead..
I try all my best..
To create a smile on their face..
But their tears still fall down..
I cant make them happy...
This is suck..!!
I dont fullfill my duty...
And i know it right now..
Everyone dont need me either..
Even they need me..
I dont do anything to make they cheer up..
For a long time i dont ever care with my own feeling just to make sure other people around me..
Will happy even just for once..
Dear rain..
Please vanish away my feeling right now..
Like how you make my heart feel more better when u fall down..
And make the earth become wet...
Please make my body wet with it..
So nobody will see my tears...
From now on..
I know it very well..
I will never find my ''medicine''..
Will all this ''scar'' become a part of my body?
Will i become a reflection of heart feeling and turn become a girl?
Searching and searching the ''medicine''
Its really hurt me..
Its so hurt....
Hurt.....