The Last Biscuit

31 December 2012,4:15 pm

In the beautiful evening
I was talking with my brother
And we eat together
Suddenly,he come to the house by his dad motorcycle and he directly go to my mum room
I was just looking to him

"Grandma,can you give me some money?"
My mum asking
"Money?What you want to buy?"
Then he replied
"I want to buy something.I want go to the shop."

Quickly my mum give him RM20 for him.
He take it slowly.
Then he go out from that room and sit with us.
I was eating biscuit with my brother after i have some lunch that i skipped.
He take the jar of biscuit from my hand while i still eating

"Hey!I still not done wit it yet little boy!"
He just laughing and smiling while he take the jar of biscuit from my hand
I give up so i let him take that biscuit
We eating together and laughing together while im listening to my brother story
I dont know why but in that moment
I just cant help myself staring on his face
His face look innocent while he eating the biscuit
Its make me remember his childhood past
He was so cute
I dont know why his childhood look suddenly appear in front of my eyes
Then after he done with his biscuit
He stand up and holding my shoulder before he leave

Im still sit on the chair and remind back my childhood time with him
When he was a kid he always ask me to carry him on my back
So i do it and carry him on my back
When he grow up become a tough teenage guy
He used to carry me on his back
When he was a kid too he like to throw my slipper on the roof of my house
If he crying and angry to me
Seriously
Sometimes he kinda annoying too
Im the one who have to be patience with him
But i still love him so much
I will worry if anything happend to him
Although sometimes he used to playing around of me

6:30 PM

My first sister,Sis Pidah come to my house
Me,my brother,Bro Awang,Sis Pidah and my second sister Bibi stay together at the dining table
Bro Awang told to Sis Pidah about his funny dream but kinda sad too
And in that moment
We joking and laughing a lot
After that Sis Pidah return to her home


6:55 PM

Bibi's mobile phone ringing all of sudden
She answer it

"Bibi..my son...he got...accident..please come here....''

Quickly we going to the place that my nephew got the accident
When we reach there
We saw his death body
Its broken my heart in that time
The police,few of people and few of car is around that place
The police measure his death body
My sister shouting

"Please...please...bring him to hospital...please..."
She shouting and crying
Bibi to want holding his face
And say
"Along..Along...wake up Along..."
Sis Pidah shouting again with her cry
"Dont touch his face...Bibi..."
Bibi stopped
Then suddenly,my brother in law,Bro Raman carry him quickly
Its make me touched
Since few years ago he become weak and sick
He also cant carry 10kg stuff
But this time he carry his son's body
They never wait the ambulance come
He lend my nephew body to my brother
My brother holding him
And brother in law drive the car quickly to hospital
My brother holding him and shouting
"Allahuakhbar!Allahuakhbar!!"
Then with tears he holding Along's bleeding body
"Along..Along..wake up..please..."


7:30 PM

The doctor and nurse try to save him in emergency ward
Sis Pidah really feel uneasy in that time
Suddenly
She go to the hospital nearby mosque
She take the wudhu and pray

"Oh Allah Almighty,if his promises to You have to be granted now,if You want to take my son now,so in the willing i will take this as the test from You and i redha for everything.I make the milk from my body which i feel him when he was born halal for him,and forgive all his sins,Oh Allah The Almighty.."

............................................................................

"We are very sorry.We cant save him.He already passed away and meet the God."
Sis Pidah start crying.
Everyone start to crying.
Some of villagers also cant accept the fact too
That Along have leave everyone
My brother and brother in law just standing with blank face
The sound of crying also can be hear by the moon
The fullmoon also crying for Along's death


9:00 PM

Everyone and the relatives busy to helping in my house
Some of them try to make my mum feel calm
My mum cry badly

"Along..Along...your grandpa already leave me...now why u leave me Along..."
Im just standing seeing my mum cry and its make my tears flowing
This is very shocking for me
Everyone cant accept the fact that he already leave us
And yet we waiting his body send to my house


12:00 AM

The gloomy air is playing around in my house
The gloomy,the sadness,the sound of Yassin reading
Everyone who come to my house read Yassin for him
As a pray to Allah Almighty to let him rest in peace with blessing
Im also reading Yassin for him
With tears which never stop
It make me feel touched when all my relatives sleep in my house
And i see his dad sleep beside his body
And his twin sisters also sleep near him
And my cousin who really close to him


6:30 AM

Its a New Year morning
But for me its a gloomy morning
The sad New Year ever
I was done with the dawn time pray
So i look after my nephew death body and my brother in law
I saw my brother in law holding and rub his hand
Then i see his tears flowing
He remember back Along promises to him

"Babah...i want to study hard for the SPM exam..."
"I want to enter the polytehnic college..."
"I want to become police,so i can take care of you and our family..."

My brother in law leave that room with tears
My tears also fall without stop
So i open the blanket which cover his body
Im holding and rub his injured forehead slowly

"Along..i forgive every mistakes you do to me...and i want you to know that i love you so much...although how u leave me put the pain inside me..."

Slowly i kiss his forehead full with love and warm
I used to kiss his forehead when he still a kid
And that my last kiss to him
And yet he is ready to been buried
I just standing



My pray always for you and may your soul rest in peace Along..
Oh Allah Almighty please let him know that i love him so much..
My beloved nephew Along...
I never forget when how you have cherish our life when you are born
Its hurt me that biscuit is the last food you eat before you go..
Really..its pain me...
Al Fatihah for you Along...

Why Is My Reflection Someone I Dont Know??

Tonight was rainy and wind blowing strong..
But its still a beautiful night for me...
While im listening to my MP3..
When i press the ''NEXT'' button..
Suddenly,my favourite song ''Reflection'' is played...
Sometimes...
I dont ever know...
Who actually is me...
Then.....
I take this ''black diary''
And start to writing....
I write the lyric on my diary

................................................................................................................................

Look at me
I will never pass for a perfect bride, or a perfect daughter
Can it be im not ment to play this part
Now i see that if i were truely to be myself
I would break my familys heart

Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me..
Why is my reflection someone i dont know
Some how i can not hide
Who i am, though i've tried
When will my reflection show who i am inside
When will my reflection show who i am inside 


................................................................................................................................


The feeling who never knew our real self...
Its really suffer..
But i know that if i truly be myself..
I will hurt everyone's heart...
I cant hide who i am..
Sometimes i think that i dont have to be real myself...
Because i dont want to hurt anyone more...
I dont know..
What should i said or write now..
Everything make me cant thinking well..
Only thinking who am i...
Should i return to my old self..
Or be the other person to make other people happy??
The only thing i know...
I have kill my old self..
Because im afraid to the past which always haunted me...
When my reflection show..
Who i am inside..??

Run To The Secret Garden...

11:05 pm
In this windy night..
I saw the time on my laptop screen..
Tonight is really cold..
Usually cold will make my heart feel so calm...
But tonight it never help me to vanish away my feeling..
My tears cant ever fall down..
I just saw the black diary on my bed...
But i never feel want to write it...
So i just sit alone..
Watching the stars that never come up..
But i hope that i want to lay on the snow field...
Its hurting me a lot...
But its ok..
I try to pretend nothing happend..
I know this day will come..
I try to smile..
But in the end its make my heart bcome more bleeding...
Its ok..
I will continue run to the secret garden that i try to reach..
After everything is done..
I will run to the secret garden..
When i reach to that place..
I want to sleep forever..
Without everyone try to reach it...
Sleep with a pain that cant i cant vanish away...
I still believe that if i look the right way...
I will find out that the whole world is a garden...

Wow!!Father,You Are Great Singer!!!

In this evening..
I was watching tv alone..
Ohh gosshh im so bored..
No interesting movie that i can watch..
Suddenly when im open AXN channel..
I saw a movie with the background song dat i love n miss so much...
The song title ''You My Everything'' by Santa Esmeralda...
Then..
My memory appear again...

....................................................................................................

When im 10 years old..
Im watching cartoon in tv..
Then suddenly father come and sit besides me...
I know after the cartoon he want to watch news..
''Adek,after u watching cartoon give the remote control to me ok..i want to watch news..''
''Yes i know father,the cartoon is almost done..''
After the cartoon done,i give the remote control to him..
But im still sit besides him bcoz im lazy 2 go anywhere...
Suddenly...
The video clip song was played on tv before the news start..
Yes..that song..''You My Everything.''
Firstly im not too interested listening that song...but suddenly im surprised..
Father singing in front of tv with that song played on tv!
''U my everything....''
''The sun dat shines above u..makes the blue bird sing..''
''The stars dat twinkle way up..in the sky..''
''Tell me im...in love...''
Only dat he sing..
Then he said...
''Ahaha only dat i remember...''
''Woww i guess u cant sing better..''
Father said
''Only u dont know...''
Then he laughing....
.................................................................................................................................
Father...
U really like 2 laugh even ur heart feel sad sumtimes..
U my everything in my life father...

You're My Everything


Na na na na ...
You're my everything
The sun that shines above you makes the blue bird sing
The stars that twinkle way up in the sky

Tell me I'm in love, when I kiss your lips
I feel the rolling thunder to my finger tips
And all the while my head in a spin
Deep with in I'm in love

You're my everything and nothing
Really matters but the love you bring
You're my everything
To see you in the morning with those big brown eyes
You're my everything
Forever and the day
I need you close to me
You're my everything
You never have to worry never fear
For I am near

You're my everything
I live upon the land and see the sky above

I'll swim within oceans sweet and warm
There's no storm my love

You're my everything and nothing
Really matters but the love you bring
You're my everything
To see you in the morning with those big brown eyes
You're my everything
Forever and the day
I need you close to me
You're my everything
You never have to worry never fear
For I am near

when I hold you tight
there's nothing that can harm you in the lonely night
I'll come to you and keep you safe and warm
Yes, so strong my love

when I kiss your lips
I feel the rolling thunder to my finger tips
And all the while my head in a spin
Deep with in I'm in love

Story About A Loner Guy & Magician Girl

On dat day...
Its was raining..
Sky become dark..
And strong wind blowing..
But suddenly..
A guy walking without using an umbrella..
He walking under the rain..
Without stop..
Then he stop somewhere near the street...
He close his eyes...
He let his body wet by the rain...
He want to said everything in his heart..
But he cant..
And he dont know why he cant said it...
Suddenly,he dont feel rain fall on his body again..
He see at the up..
Someone protect him with a black umbrella..
When he turn his head on back..
He saw a girl wearing a top hat...
She wear like a modern magician...
''Hey u,mister..if u try to get fever i think this is a great way..because rain will not hurt ur body..''
He just silent seeing that girl...
''Why u protect me from rain by using ur umbrella?You dont know me and i dont know u..''
''Arrgh come on,mister..not knowing each other doesnt mean i can let you hit by rain here..im a human being also..so its human's duty to other human..''
He silent again...
He really feel weird with the magician girl in front of him now...
Then,that magician girl smiling and also give him a wink...
''Hey..dont make face like that dude..i know u crying now..u walking under the rain because nobody will see ur tears rite?But i still can see it from here..U cant lie to my eyes...
Dat guy still keep silent..
Then quickly he hug that magician girl..
That magician girl shocked with his act..
''Mis..mister??Whats wrong?''
''Please just let me stay like this,i want to cry..''
So..
That magician girl just let he hug her body...
Then dat magician girl said
''I dont know what make u sad mister,but just remember dat life is good.One day u will achieved ur happiness too..so dont worry ok..''
Both of them still hug each other under the rain...

.................................................................................................................

After that..
The loner guy and that magician girl always be happy together..
When she feel so sad..
He will wrap her tears..
When she feel so down..
He will help her to stand up and stay besides her..
When she cant sleep in night..
He will sit besides her and make she sleep..
When she do something wrong..
He will angry to her and advice her..
And same with that magician girl too..
She will hug that loner guy when he feel so upset..
She will sing to him if he cant sleep in night..
And  take care everything about him..
And also,the magician girl fall in love with that loner guy..
Even that loner guy never reply her feeling,but he still care to that magician girl..
Because that magician girl always stay besides him..
They care to each other..
Although there is no official relationship between them..
But that magician girl still satisfied..
Even she know that she will never get his heart..
She realized that...

.........................................................................................

One day..
When the magician girl want to change her clothes..
That loner guy see many scars on her body..
He shocked so quickly he come to that magician girl and ask..
''What is this??Tell me who did this to u!!''
That magician girl just smiling..
''Hey!I dont ask u to smile!Im asking u who left all this scar on ur body!!Why u never told this to me?!!U know dat everything about u is important to me!''
Then she answered..
''This is a scars that i take from other people i meet..after i take this scars,they live happily.I dont have reason to be happy anymore in this world,so i think its more better that i take the scar of sadness from other people who more need reason to be happy in their life.So im willing to take this scar,include your scars too..''
The loner guy shocked with her answer...
''Why u did this??''
''Magician's duty is to make other people happy with their own techniques.And the second reason i did this because i love u so much..but i know this will never be lasting forever..when u get the real happiness i will go like a wind,like how i come to ur life like a wind too..''
The loner guy said again
''No!I will not forgive u if u leave me!''
''U will not stay forever with me because u have ur own life path too..''
The loner guy just silent...
The magician girl said again...
''Mind always tell u the right things but heart will lead u to the right path..so u will know what u must do in ur life,im here just want to make u happy..dats all..so u dont have to worry..when the time u get ur real happiness come,i will go to my ''last journey'' and i will never come back after that..But i hope that our story will end with happy ending before i sacrifice everything for this world''
And he see a tears from that magician girl's eyes...
That guy is such a speechless..
To see the girl in front of him sacrifice everything include her heart...
Which it alredy die a long time ago...
Because lost many people she love..
He such a speechless..so speechless...

.....................................................................................................

Father,Strawberry Again..Please..Please...

After im done with my KOLOKIUM discussion with my friends from school...
I go home quickly..
When i reach to my home...
I saw a small box strawberries on the table..
Mum said it is for me..
I just become silent...
I took that box and went to my room...
My eyes still looking on that box full with strawberries..
Its been a long time...
I didnt eat this fruit..
Which it is my most favourite food...
So i decide to take my black diary...
Start to writing...
And i remind back...
My memory with strawberry dat i love so much...

..........................................................................................................

When my parents bring us to Kundasang..
Sometimes i will feel not very well...
Sometimes i will feel want to vomit...
And i will feel dizzy...
One day...
My father drive to strawberry farm at Kundasang..
My other family member and my mother will enjoy going anywhere...
But i feel not very well and all times i feel dizzy...
So i decide to stay in car with my father..
Then suddenly father asking me..
''Whats wrong with you,Adek??You feel dizzy??"'
''Yes father..''
A weak answer from me...
''This is really weird..i bring you to many places more far than this but u will never be like this..''
''I dont know father..i feel very weak now...''
I look that seems father thinking about something..
And then he said..
''Wait here,i want to go somewhere..''
I wonder where he go..
After a few minutes...
He come and bring a small box of strawberry...
''Eat this,it might be help you feel not dizzy anymore..''
I follow his order and eat little bit of the strawberry..
After a few minute...
I feel much better...
Wow..
Father really great...
I dont feel want to vomit and dizzy again after eat the strawberry..
Oh My God this is awesome..
''Father,this is very delicious and also can become my medicine..strawberry again..please father..please..please...''
''Ohh you cant eat it always..or your body will become like strawberry too.do you want that??Hehehee..''
Oh man father can laugh because of that...
...............................................................................................................

Father...
When you gone and leave me..
I didnt ever eat strawberry almost 5 years..
Why when you not here anymore...
Everything i like to eat,to do and more...
I almost forget everything that related between out memories...
My tears fall down..
On my strawberry...
Just rite now...

My Beauty Nocturne Is Gone Now..

I open my MP3 player...
When i press the ''NEXT'' button...
The ''Nocturne'' song played...
Im not sure what exactly my feeling when im listening to this...
Only 1 person in my mind now...

Sandra....

Tonight..
You appear again in my mind...
And i wish i want to tell everyone in this world..
About a nice and strong girl like you..

...................................................................................................................................

''Sandra!!Sandra!!''
I keep calling Sandra from outside her house..
Then,she open her window...
''Pika..!!Why you make a face like an idiot at there?Just come in.You dont have to standing at there with your silly face..''
''What?You said my face like an idiot?Hey idiot princess,i call u many times but why you dont answer my call??''
''Hehehe sorry,Pika.I was in toilet when you calling me.Come in now i have something i want to tell you.''
Thank God that Sandra's parents is not at home now so its more easier for us to do some noise..
I go sit on her bed..
Then i said to her..
''What do u want to tell me Sandra??Sound that u really in rush..''
''Hahahaha i guess u in my trap now..oh my u really panic with my voice??''
''For sure u make me panic idiot!!''
I throw her pink pillow to her and then i laugh..she laugh too..
With her sweet smile..
''Crazy girl!Hahahaha...ok Pika i will be serious now dont hit me again..hehehe..''
''Well.wat excatly u want to tell me??''
''Nothing special actually..i just want to play violin for u..''
''What the....u call me with panic sound n then when i come here u just want to play violin for me??''
''Hahahaha dont be mad Pika..i have heard one song when i open you tube last night.Do u have heard Song from Secret Garden,Nocturne??''
''Nope,i just know about A Song From A Secret Garden..''
''Well then u must hear this,but before that we should go to the beach first..your aunty know that u going here in this night?''
''Yes she know but she ask me to be careful..''
''Ok then come,i play violin in the beach now..''
she holding my hand and both of us going to the Melinsung beach

...................................................................................................................
After 20 minutes walking,we see that no many people at the beach n i wonder why..
I saw beautiful moon on the night sky too..
Its really relaxing..
Then we sit on the long chair together..
After that,she took her violin and start to play the Nocturne song..
Its really a beautiful melody..
Sandra really know me very well that i like to listen to violin song..
When i listen to that music..
I feel that night is the most beautiful night ever..
Piece of beautiful night..
After 3 minutes she play the violin..
She stop..
Then she ask me..
''How is it Pika?''
''U really good like always,Sandra..i really enjoy with that..''
Sandra smiling..
''Pika,u have said to me before that secret garden is also like a secret place dat we have to explore..but for me nocturne is also like a beautiful heart with beautiful secret also like a beautiful mystery night..sumtimes a beauty heart doesnt need to be explore because only certain people can see that real beauty..but thats only my opinion..hehehe..''
Im smiling to see Sandra,she smiling while she play with her long hair..
I guess she right..
Secret Garden and Nocturne also related with sum1 heart with our own definition..
But for me..
Sandra..
You are the most beauty nocturne which have been created by God..
Seriously..
Its almost 4 years u leave me..
Even i already forget your full name..
I forget your real nation..
But i will never forget your sweet smile,your pretty face..
Even i dont have any of your picture anymore..
But you always in my heart forever..
Frozen with all my feeling inside it..
You also like a beautiful mystery night..
Mystery,beautiful and can make people calm with your shining smile..
But now u not here anymore..
To make me calm with ur sweet smile...
Never...

NOCTURNE,SANDRA FAVOURITE SONG..SONG THAT DESCRIBE YOUR REFLECTION...

May your soul rest in peace babe...